Food for Thought
by Fan of Mikey
Summary: This was up before, Wolf gets lost in the woods. Now it's complete. R&R pretty please, with little dancing Scott Cohens on top :)
1. Default Chapter

**Food For Thought**  
  
©Alicia [al@emote.org][1] 4/13/01   
  
**Disclaimer** : I do not own the characters Wolf, Virginia, Acorn the Dwarf or any other original characters of Robert Halmi jr. R. H. Sr., Hallmark, NBC, etc. Or any other characters/plots/themes from which this story stems. I am not claiming to own these characters/plots/themes, I am simply borrowing them, making them do foolish things, and then placing them back to where they belong, slightly used, a little mentally damaged, but still in pretty good shape. I am not making money off of this story. No copyright infringment intended, please don't sue me.   
  
**Summary **: Virginia makes Wolf take the baby to the castle to pick something up for her and spend a little "quality time" with one Tony Lewis. He gets lost and meets up with an old lady. Wacky hijinks ensue.   
  
**Feedback** : I thrive on it. But be nice. I can take constructive criticism, but. Don't. Be. Mean. As the old addage goes, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." If however you do decide to flame me, don't be a coward about it, leave your email. I'll send you a nice little note back.   
  
**Authors Note** : I got the idea for this from a collaborative I am currently a member of. This months topic was Hanzel & Gretal. I got an idea for The 10th Kingdom and I went with it. I wrote this very late at night (or early in the morning, depending on your perspective). All of my 10th Kingdom stories are meant to be silly. **Finally complete!** The ending is sorta rushed, I had to get it finished. Sorry about the HTML showing up, I don't know why it is.   
  
  
  


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"Wolf!?" 

Virginia's cry brought Wolf out of his trance. For the past half hour or so he had been watching a furry white rabbit hop around in their backyard. He was crouched behind their bushes, keeping his breath as shallow as possible, so as to not frighten the rabbit away. Occasionally the rabbit would grab one of the vegetables and scurry back to its resting spot under one of the many trees that were scattered around their yard. 

Virginia came to the back door carrying the baby, looking angry. "I've been calling you for the past five minutes, Wolf! I need you to go to the castle and pick something up for me. And take the baby, I'm sure my father would like to spend some time with him." Wolf nodded as she turned and went back inside. He scratched his temple and looked at the rabbit, who was nibbling on a carrot, 

"Huff, I'll see you later."   
  
--------- 

Not being very far from the castle, Wolf decided to walk. The baby cooed softly in the pack he had strapped to the front of his body. Along the way he pointed out to his son the different plants and animals that they passed. He wasn't paying any attention to the direction in which they were headed, until after about an hour into their journey, he realized they were lost. 

As if sensing something was wrong the baby started crying. "Don't worry my little chop. I know exactly where we are." Wolf said, trying to soothe the now wailing child. "Cripes," he whispered to himself. "I suppose I don't know exactly where we are." He turned in a circle and scratched his brow. "We'll just turn around and go back to the way we came. But huff puff, which way was that?" 

Just then he heard a rustling in the bushes. He let out a low growl as a warning and clutched the baby to his chest. "Who's there?" he called, but recieved no answer. The rustling continued, and he looked around for a place to hide the baby, incase he needed to fight. 

"I said, who's there?!" he called a little louder this time. Out of the bushes stepped a woman. She was old, and looked weary. And she held a striking resemblence to Acorn the Dwarf. 

"Oh, hello ma'am," he said stepping towards her. "I was wondering, if maybe you could provide me with some assistence?" 

When she didn't answer or even look up, he reached out and tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped and swung around with her cane in the air ready to strike. 

Wolf took a step back and threw his hands in the air to show he meant no harm. She looked at him through her one good eye. 

"Are you trying to scare me to death? Don't you know to not sneak up on people?! I have a weak heart you know. I could have dropped right here, then what would you have done? Huh?" 

Wolf smiled a little at her, "I'm sorry ma'am," he said. 

"What?" 

"I'm sorry!" 

"Huh?" 

"I said I'm SORRY!" he shouted. 

The old woman scowled at him, "No need to yell boy, I'm not deaf. You have no manners do ya?" She eyed the baby then, "Who's that?" 

The baby had stopped crying, and was now sleeping, although how he slept through the shouting was beyond Wolf. "My son, William." Wolf replied proudly. 

"Cute. Looks good enough to eat, eh?" She chuckled and nudged Wolf with her cane. He just smiled and nodded. 

The old woman turned to leave, and Wolf followed behind. "I was wondering if you could help me find my way back to the main road? I was on my way to King Wendell's castle, and I got lost." 

The woman stopped and turned to him. 

"What are you doing so far off the main road? It's not safe out here in these woods, certainly not safe for children." 

Wolf looked at her quizzically, "I said I got lost on my way --" 

"Huh? Your lips are movin' but there's nothin' comin' out." She interrupted. 

Wolf opened his mouth tos peak but she turned on her heals and started walking again. 

"If you want, you can come home with me. I don't walk and talk at the same time, causes me to trip. Never was much for coordination. I'm not gonna stop and waste my time trying to explain things to a poorly-mannered man, or whatever it is you are, who will just forget what I said. So come on if you're comin, I got things to do and pe-er, food to cook." 

At the mention of the word 'food' Wolf's ears perked up.

   [1]: mailto:al@emote.org



	2. Chapter 2

  
  
"Where is that mangy wolf!" Tony Lewis paced back and forth in front of  
King Wendell. He'd been waiting for Wolf for over two hours now. "Virginia  
said he would be here by 10! What if something happened? What if something  
happened and he had the baby with him?!"/PP  
  
"Calm down, Antony!" Wendell replied, crunching on an apple. "Now I   
don't have much faith in Wolf either, but you and I both know he would never  
let anything happen to his son. Or Virginia."/PP  
  
"Yeah, yeah you're right. I just... why isn't he here yet?" /PP  
  
"Maybe he stopped to eat." /PP  
  
"I'm going to look for him." Tony turned on his heals and rushed out  
of the castle. /PP  
  
"What?! Hey, Antony, wait!" Wendell jumped up from his throne and  
followed Tony out to the stables. /PP/PP  
  
  
Wolf scratched at his temple and looked around cautiously.  
"I have a feeling we're not going to get back to the main road   
anytime soon. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to go with this woman.  
Maybe we should turn around. But she has food and I am - " He ended  
that sentence with a gasp./PP  
  
"Oh, cripes!" he was standing in front of the largest gingerbread house  
he had ever seen. Realizing he was drooling, he wiped his mouth and  
followed the woman inside./PP  
  
There was a table and chairs, a couch and recliner, and cabinets.  
There wasn't much by way of food around the inside, but the actual house  
made up for that./PP  
  
"Aw, suck an elf!" the old woman's shout brought Wolf out of his reverie.  
"I've forgotten my magic mushrooms. Now I'm going to have to go all the   
way back to the swamp. Unless I can find a strong, young man, much faster  
and younger, and quicker and younger than I to go for me, since he's   
younger and can move at a quicker pace."/PP  
  
Wolf blinked. "Good luck with that."/PP  
The old woman hmphed and slammed the door behind her. He could hear  
her grumbling loudly through the window./PP  
  
"Are you hungry William? I am ravenous." He walked outside and looked  
around. "I don't think she'd mind if we took a little bit out of her house.  
Do you?" The baby was still asleep. "Me either." Wolf walked around to  
the back of the cottege and broke off a piece of the backdoor handle,   
which was made out of licorice. Finishing that he broke off a small piece  
of the door, and before he knew it the whole thing was gone. "Whoops."/PP  



	3. Chapter 3

"You know Antony, I've been wanting to go on a real adventure again. Although  
I was a dog for most of the last one, and ran the risk of staying that way,  
due to your stupidity, and the fact that I was almost killed, again due to your  
stupidity -- "/pp  
  
"Get to your point, Wendell."p  
  
"Yes, sorry. What I was going to say was, I had a pretty good time trying  
to save the kingdoms. Didn't you?" /pp  
  
"Oh, lovely." Tony shifted in his perch upon the horse, trying to find a  
more comfortable position. "I enjoyed being sucked into another dimension,  
having my daughter get cursed by gypsies, almost getting killed numerous   
times by trolls and crazy huntsmen. And having to murder my own wife..."  
His voice trailed off./pp  
  
"I'm sorry, Antony." The rest of the trip was taken in silence./pp  
brbrbrbr  
  
"I wonder if Wolf has made it to the castle yet. They really do need  
telephones in the kingdoms. I could make a fortune..." Virginia schemed./p  
  
pbrbrbrbr  
  
By now the baby had woken up and was smacking contentedly on a piece of chocolate  
window shutter. Wolf had eaten through the back porch and was lying on the  
ground groaning with a stomach ache. He was moaning so loudly he didn't hear  
the woman come up behind him. Until she screeched. /pp  
  
"What bhave/b you bdone/b to my bHOUSE/b?!" /pp  
  
Wolf sat bolt upright and tried to stammer out an answer, "I.. I.. I was hungry."  
he mumbled./pp  
  
"You were hungry?! You were hungry?!"/pp  
  
Wolf furrowed his brow confused that she'd heard him, but the thought  
vanished from his mind as she came after him with her cane. He ducked out of the  
way and picked up the baby, holding him in front of him as protection,  
knowing the woman wouldn't hit William. Hey, he's just a soft cuddly little  
cub at heart, after all. /p  
  
pThe old woman lowered her cane and grabbed Wolf by the ear instead, dragging  
him into the house. She pushed him toward the kitchen chair, "Sit! Don't move!"  
She bent over her stove and cranked it up full blast. Wolf gulped./p  



	4. Chapter 4

"You people really need to look into having some other form of transportation.  
Like cars, or a bus or something. Because there's only so much one person  
can take of this." Tony complained as he shifted for the thousandth time in  
the saddle of his horse. /p  
  
pWendell chuckled, "Yeah, but wouldn't it cause polution? You yourself  
said how smoggy it was in New York. You know I'd really love to go there  
one day and take in all the sites. See where exactly it is you come from.  
And I'm sure Virginia would love to show Wolf and the baby."/p  
  
p"Yeah, or we could go to England and you can see what the Queen rides   
from place to place. To Hell with bouncing castles, I'm building me an airplane."/p  
/p  
They had been riding for a little over an hour, staying strictly on the main road.  
In front of them and off to the left on the field was a little cart. As they  
approached they noticed a dwarf lying in the back taking a nap. Tony realized  
who it was and called out to him./pp  
  
"Acorn! Acorn, it's me, Tony!"/pp  
  
Acorn reluctently opened his eyes, "Oh, hello. Haven't gotten yourself  
into anymore trouble, 'ave you?" /pp  
  
Tony shook his head and smiled proudly, "Nope. How about you? What have  
you been up to?" /pp  
  
Acorn jumped down from his cart and walked towards the front. "Little bit   
of this and that. I figured it was safe to come out of 'iding, I'm staying  
with my mum in a cottege, just inside those woods there. Would you like  
to come meet her? I'm sure she's home from shopping by now." /pp  
  
Wendell looked a bit nervous, "I don't know, we really shouldn't stop. It'll  
be dark soon." He didn't want to go into the dark woods with a convicted  
fellon./pp  
  
"Oh, come on Wendy, it'll give you a chance to get off your high horse." Tony  
said with a laugh./pp  
  
Wendell gave him a sarcastic smile and said all right. They followed Acorn  
into the woods, Wendell was still a bit nervous, but trusted that Acorn  
wouldn't do anything with Tony around./ppbrbrbr  
  
"Wha.. What are you going to do?" Wolf asked. He would have bolted right then,  
but he didn't know his way out of the woods, and didn't want to end up farther  
in and lost even more./pp  
  
"I'm going to cook me some dinner!" She brought out a large roasting pan  
and started to fill it with vegetables. "Why don't you go in and sit down in the  
living room. I don't need you right now." Wolf nodded and did what he was told  
"And don't eat anything!"/pp  
  
He sat on the couch and watched her nervously out of the corner of his eye.  
She filled the pan with water and set it inside the oven. He remembered when he  
had first gone to New York to find Wendell, and how he'd almost cooked Virginia's  
poor, old grandmother that very same way. He started to whine low, but   
stopped abruptly when the old woman glanced at him.   
  
"Come here," she said to him sternly. He stood up quickly and started toward  
her. "Leave the baby there, he'll only get in the way." Wolf didn't want to  
leave his son all alone, but didn't have much say in the matter. He sat him  
down on the couch and handed him another piece of chocolate he'd had inside  
of his pants. /p  
  
p"You stay here William, I'll be right over there." he whispered./pp  
  
He gulped again and walked towards the old woman, expecting the worse./pp  
brbrbr  
  
"It's a stupid idea, just stupid! How am I supposed to do that? I can't exactly  
get phone lines all the way to the 9 kingdoms. I'm not even sure how it's done  
in the 10th." Give it up, Virginia./ppbrbrbr  
  
Drawing nearer to the cottege, the 3 travelers heard shouts coming from inside.  
The three looked at each other and jumped down from their respective rides and  
ran to the front door./pp  
"No! No stop it!" came a shout from inside./ppbrbR  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5 - End

  
"That sounds like Wolf," Tony said. Acorn rushed to the door and pushed it open./p  
  
p"I said stop it! You do bnot/b make porkchops like that! Who ever heard  
of boiling pork! You're supposed to fry them, or bake them! Boiling takes   
all the flavor --" he stopped short when he saw Tony, Wendell, and Acorn standing  
in the doorway. "Hello Tony, Wendy.. little man." /ppbrbrbr  
  
"Wait until Virginia hears about this." Tony threatened, and Wolf whimpered. 


End file.
